We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's rum buckets o'clock
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
