Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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