Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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