Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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