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I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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