Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
