Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
