i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
