Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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