She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well I just put wine in my tea
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
