I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
