I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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