OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
