after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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