I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
