What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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