I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
