You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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