his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am available for nakedness
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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