Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
