Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
