Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
