this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
