i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
