She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
