She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
