what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
