we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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