how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
