Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
