So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
