I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
