i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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