It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
