Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
