I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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