question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
