Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
