If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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