i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The adults are the big ones right?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
