My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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