I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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