Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
