come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
