I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
