She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
