you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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