Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
