My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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