Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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