i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
