i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
