Please, let me fuck your mom
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
