3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
