so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
