She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
