is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
