I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
