So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
