Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
